Pregnancy Musings

It seems it was just a few minutes ago that we found out about the 'new baby in my tummy' (as he is known in these parts), and low and behold I'm already at the 25 week mark.

The emotional ups and downs have been more dramatic this time around. My initial sentiments during the first trimester were along the lines of "please, God, let this pregnancy proceed safely and as quickly as possible!!" Now, I'm really enjoying feeling this little guy move around all day long. He is now visible from the outside sometimes - it's possible to see my belly move in strange ways as he swims around in there... It's fun to see the other kids delight in feeling him move.

I'm not terribly uncomfortable yet, and it's fun to have definitely graduated into maternity clothes. Right now, it's all good times as far as my pregnancy is concerned. I pray it continues as such.

But, as I was driving down the highway this evening, my mind turned to the baby growing daily inside my womb, and I started to ponder how quickly I know it will all go. Sometimes I wish I could just freeze the moment we're in. I know that his newborn period will fly by, and soon I'll be saying again to another mom with a brand new baby, "my son seems so small until I see your little one, and then he seems gigantic!"

Eustace was holding our 4-year-old 'baby' today, and she was all legs and arms, stretching from her head on his shoulder to her little feet resting mid-thigh, almost to his knees. She can't even be considered a toddler anymore, definitely a full-fledged preschooler with a big girl-sized personality to match. When did this happen??

I felt a moment of desperation that this baby, too, will be tiny only for a brief moment in time. And he might be our last one.

I guess I didn't expect to enjoy this pregnancy, since I'm now officially labeled 'advanced maternal age.' I braced myself for 9 months of pain and suffering since I'm now an old lady. The first trimester did have some rough moments. But, what a blessing that physically and emotionally, I'm having a period of delight in this pregnancy itself.

Of course we can't wait to meet this little person, and I know that things will become harder as my belly grows and grows. And, really, it's fun to watch your children grow and develop as people. It's just hard sometimes to say goodbye to each developmental phase. I can't believe how hard it is to remember holding each one as an infant. I can barely see the chubby-cheeked toddler that my 10-year-old once was in her preteen face today. But I love who she is now. And I certainly wouldn't want to go back to certain periods of her life (such as those colicky early weeks. thanks but no thanks).

So, you can see how conflicted and emotionally volatile I am. My poor husband. He's taking it like a champ. And I've had some interesting cravings and nesting instincts this time. But that's a topic for another post.

So, for now, kick away little man!! Mama loves the feeling of carrying you around in your warm, safe bubble. May angels protect you and bring you safely into our arms when the time is right.