5 Years

March 25, 2010, Spike's adoption was completed in Armenia.  I wasn't physically present.  My husband and mother were actually the travelers.  It was hard to be at home while it was happening, but the sting of feeling left out of that important moment has predictably faded over time.

We could not have known how difficult that first year would be.  For months, he was no more attached to us than any other people on the planet.  How could he be?  The behaviors that stemmed from the lack of attachment and from 7.5 years of living without parents to guide him were tough, tough, tough for our family.  But, with much prayer and perseverence, we got through.  

I remember feeling a huge shift in adjustment at the one year mark.  Things got much easier at that point.  I don't know if the change was in him or me, but it was very real.  

Is everybody 100 percent in harmony now?  Of course not.  But we are adjusted.  We are miles down the road from where we started.  Every day is new.  Every day has it's own challenges.  But when I think back over the amount of personal development for him, for us, it's astounding.  

Adopting an older child, in our experience, is not for the faint of heart.  The adoption process itself is long and painful.  Then you bring your child home, and the real work begins.  But, its worth it.  The best things we do in this life, the most important things to which God calls us, are rarely easy.  

I watch Crash interact and play with Spike every day.  Crash often calls his name first thing in the morning.  He can't wait to play.  They are brothers.  Crash will never remember anything different.  The other kids, too, in spite of the struggles that inevitably occur, have a true sibling - with all the ups and downs that relationship implies.  

As Spike matures, he asks harder questions about his early life.  We answer with as much honesty as we can.  It's hard to see him struggle to understand.  He has fond memories of his orphanage and the dear Sisters there, but he realizes more and more all the time that that situation was not a normal or ideal one.  We grieve for his early years, which we missed as a family.  I always tell him that if I had known he was being born, I would have been there right away.  This consoles him a little, I think.  

Every Mass, I beg God to heal his psychological wounds.  And, slowly, my prayers are being answered.  God hears us, always.  His body is disabled physically.  But the inner hardships are the greatest challenges.  

On May 25, we celebrated what we call his 'American anniversary' with hamburgers and French fries at his request.  It was a good day.  He really is a lover of things American - The NFL, NBA, March Madness, movies, baseball games, hamburgers.  He loves Indian food, too.  

And now we're back to the work, for each of us, of being the best mother, father, sister, brother, son, daughter, spouse we can be to each other.  That's all we're meant to do.

Cousins at Easter

Brothers

 

favorite thing on Earth: playing basketball with his cousin