Baby Leo

Leo David Joseph entered the world on May 1 at 11:29am. Labor and delivery were a breeze, the smoothest I 've ever had... As soon as the doctor placed him on my chest, though, it was clear something was wrong. The next two hours are a blur. The most distinct memory I have is the neonatologist saying, "I can't stay long because I need to go put your baby on the ventilator." And then we were left alone to collapse emotionally and try to make sense of it all. He was full term, and my pregnancy was uncomplicated. One of his sisters was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. What were the chances that could happen again? His cord was so tight around his little neck it required scissors for removal. He was navy blue. He didn't cry. I didn't get to hold him. Still haven't (although his daddy had the opportunity to do so today). Why didn't I ever imagine we could end up in the nicu? The thought never entered my mind. Now we're learning about strict schedules and rules and waiting. Holding and feeding our baby will be on their terms, not ours or the baby's, which is about as contrary to my parenting nature as could possibly be. Breastfeeding has always been relatively easy for me but pumping is another story. Today I got zilch for all my efforts. Apparently this is normal, but it doesn't seem quite right to me. The good news is, he is making progress. Of course optimism is guarded, and nobody's making any predictions about when we'll go home. I'm grateful for all the prayer support. We would not be surviving without it. I'm so thankful to my parents who have been heroically holding down the fort at our house. I can't wait to hold and nurse my baby and take him home.